so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize