Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
