I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
