does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
