I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
