Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
