After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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