So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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