dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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