dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
