I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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