i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
