tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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