i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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