my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize