hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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