Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
