At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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