I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
