Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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