she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize