I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
