i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
