Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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