Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
