my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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