nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
