dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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