kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Too much gin, very little bucket
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
