why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
