why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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