Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
