your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
