I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize