he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
