Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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