So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
