The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's never too late to be topless.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize