What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
