Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
