he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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