This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
