Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
