i just google imaged poop.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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