i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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