i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
