By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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