Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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