meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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