If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
