I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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