she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
