I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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