New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
