i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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