People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
