well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize