God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
