She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
