Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
