my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
