I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
