I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
