Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
