bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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