Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
