So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
