he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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