my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The ass gains better be worth it
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