$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
no, he came in my armpit
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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