According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
