God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
