If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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