just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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