apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
