and she was petting her beer can
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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