There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
