I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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