You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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