ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
