I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
