She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want a musical about memes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
