So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
