$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
