I hate all girls vehemently.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
