thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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