I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
