Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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