My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize