I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
