This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I want her autograph on my taint
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize