grandma shit on top of the toilet
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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