Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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