you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
