So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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