I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
