if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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