$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize