Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
