The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
