you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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